Should you kiss on a first date? 

To kiss or not to kiss? 

Ah yes, the age-old first date conundrum that still plagues us all in 2020. Well pre-pandemic that is, but let’s consider this question for post-pandemic days when the prospect of first date kissing is back on the table. 

It seems, to me at least, that this long conversation regarding the social acceptance of the appropriateness of kissing on a first date comes to no cohesive conclusion. Some people are all for puckering up on the first date, and others faint at the slightest suggestion.  

Some questions to check in with yourself

Kissing on the first date is one of those touchy topics that seems to fade into the grey zone, making it a subject that’s hard to nail down as fundamentally ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ in any context. It  is a topic that crosses so many significant societal aspects like culture, religion, and so on that a final answer seems fleeting.

So why is that? 

Well, because there is no universal ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ when it comes to kissing on the first date.

That means that it’s up to you and the person you’re trying to kiss (or who’s trying to kiss you), to decide on an individual level, whether or not it’s okay to share a smooch on a first date. 

If you’re reading this, then you’re probably still a bit confused as to what you should do from here—don’t worry, I promise you’re not alone. And, that’s why we’ve narrowed down some questions that might help you make that decision for yourself. 

1. Do you want to kiss this person? 

Sounds basic but take a moment to yourself at some point during the date, especially if you’re anxious about possibly having to kiss someone or be kissed by someone, and ask yourself if you want that kiss even to happen? 

Remember, your opinion on the matter could be completely separate from whether you’re on the worst or best date of your life. After all, you could be on the best date of your life, but you ate onions, and don’t want to kiss someone because you have onion breath, or you want to delay the magic to the second date.

2. Were you comfortable with them during the entire date?

You might want to take a second and think about whether you were comfortable with your date the entire time you were with them. Whatever conclusion you come to might help you decide if you’re comfortable kissing them on the first date. 

Also remember that a lot of first date kisses come at the end of the date and usually, there is this pause in which you can decide whether you want to go forward with a kiss or not.

3. Was the date good?

Most people who are interested in a first date kiss want that kiss to happen because they had a great time with someone new and exciting. If you had a good time on the date then it might be worth factoring into your decision. Likewise, if the date was terrible, that is also something you could consider in your decision.

4. Are you attracted to them?

Now with the increased use of dating apps and online dating, sometimes it’s hard to tell if you’re actually attracted to the person in the profile pictures (I had this exact issue with the guy I’ve currently been seeing for a year now.)

That said, attraction goes far beyond physical appearance so it’s important to consider personality, sense of humour, their laugh, the way they smell, and so many other things when considering if you’re attracted to someone. If you are attracted to them, this might be a good sign that you should at least be open to a first date kiss.

5. Do you want to take it slow?

There is nothing wrong with taking things slow. This crazy world we live in moves so incredibly  fast sometimes, and it’s totally understandable to want your love life to move at your own pace. Just keep in mind that it’s possible to be on different pages, so be open and honest about what you’re comfortable doing. If they’re worth kissing at all, they’ll respect your choices. 

6. Is there an appropriate way to kiss on a first date?

There are tons of different kinds of kisses, that range anywhere from a peck on the forehead to essentially sucking someone’s face-off (sorry about that image), and you might feel that some are more appropriate in specific social settings or situations than others.  

Also, kisses can be cultural. For instance, a common French or French-Canadian greeting is kissing someone on the cheek or cheeks. Keep in mind that norms are different all over the world, and make an effort to not only remember that but understand it. After all, it’s our uniqueness that makes people beautiful.

7. Got any butterflies?

Those butterflies in your tummy might be something you want to consider before deciding to go for a kiss on a first date or not. Having a few butterflies isn’t usually a bad thing, but if you feel like you’ve got some angry wasps swarming in your belly, then maybe it’s better to avoid the kiss if it’s making you feel ill. 

8. Will kissing actually tell you anything about your chemistry together? 

Some people are firm believers that a first kiss will tell them tons about their romantic or physical chemistry with their date. Some people even feel this way about having sex on a first date too. And, for some people, that’s okay. But, for others, it’s just not.

As long as everyone is respectful of each other’s limitations and boundaries, then everything is okay. There is nothing wrong with kissing someone on a first date so long as everyone is comfortable. In the same sense, so long as everyone is comfortable, there is nothing wrong with even having sex on a first date.   

9. You don’t owe anyone anything

I’m just going to lay this one out plain and simple: You do not owe anyone anything. Period. Not into first date kisses? Okay cool. Feel like first date kisses are super important? Okay cool. 

Just keep in mind that not everyone will have your opinion on the matter and be respectful of that.   

10. Is there something stopping you from kissing your date?

The way that people interact with one another in different parts of the globe is incredibly complex and multifaceted. That means that sometimes our cultural, societal, or religious ties for example, can have a massive impact on different parts of our lives, including first date kisses.  

It’s important that we try to stay educated so that we can  be respectful and accepting of other people and their ways of life. 

Going in for a first kiss is a bold move, and sometimes it takes a lot of confidence to go for it. That’s why a rejected kiss can be really hurtful, but sometimes it’s important to keep in mind that the rejection might not have anything to do with you but the act itself.

So what’s the solution?

Ask questions and learn about each other. If one of you has some belief or tie that makes kissing on a first date a no go, be straight about it and then you can both avoid an unnecessary awkward situation before it even occurs and enjoy your time together.   

11. When should you kiss on a first date?

Timing a first date kiss can be important. 

A lot of people feel that kissing someone at the start of a date can be awkward since you don’t really know the person. Although a kiss in the middle of a first date could be spontaneous and exciting, it could also be uncomfortable if someone reads the situation wrong. 

That said, many agree that the classic kiss goodnight or goodbye kiss is the best call usually because there is a pause around then that’s opportune for choosing whether or not to go for the kiss.

Now of course, not all of these will be helpful for everyone because we’re all so different, and kissing or not kissing can be a tricky issue to navigate in the moment the dilemma arrives. Still, hopefully, some of these can help you make up your mind on whether or not you are the kind of person that kisses on a first date. 

Whether you want to kiss or not on a first date, the most important thing is to know your own limitations. whatever they might be. Be confident enough in yourself to be able to tell someone: “Hey, I’m not comfortable kissing on the first date for whatever reason you might have.” Also, not having a reason is okay too.

Ultimately, first date kisses can be really simple, but they can also be complicated. Inevitably, it comes down to your personal take on the matter in the context of your life and your identity, and sticking to it!

Happy dating!

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