Texting Tips: When to Text after the First Date

The world of dating has changed so much over the years and we have technology to thank for that.

With our phones constantly in our hands or back pocket, the anxiety that comes with dating can be totally heightened - especially for us chronic over-thinkers. In the world of online dating, we spend a lot of time (dare I say it, too much time) communicating via texting, snapchat, Facebook, and other social media platforms that suit your fancy. 

But let’s talk about what we’re really out here swiping, texting, and Snapchatting for: the first date.

Woman with hat and coat texting in the sunlight, smiling at her phone

I know a lot of us struggle to get there, we spend weeks and months talking to people just to have it go nowhere. That’s why I can’t recommend Wandure enough, it’s the dating app that is guaranteed to get you a date. Even in the midst of a global pandemic, they can set you up with digital dates

But what do we do after the first date?

I can think of a stream of questions, like: “who should text who first?” or “when should I text them back?” And the answer is: it’s different for everybody!

There is no one answer that will work for everybody, but I think I have some tips and suggestions that could help you out!

  1. Take time to digest and reflect on your date 

Maybe you’ll know right away if you do or don’t want a second date. I don’t know how much I believe in love at first sight, but fate is real you guys.

Or maybe you’re just high on dopamine after a first kiss or tantalizing social interaction, and crave that next date or interaction. And while it’s a wonderful thing if you’re feeling fantastic after a date, I still think it’s a good idea to reflect back on the time spent with your date. 

Did you have things in common? Did the conversation flow or was it awkward and cringey? Was there sexual attraction? Do you even want a second date? Before you bother worrying about who texts who first after a date, ask yourself if you want to continue getting to know this person further.

  1. Don’t wait around for them to text you first

I know everyone wants a clear answer on the big question who texts who first after the date? But the truth is: it doesn’t matter! Do what feels right for you. 

If you had a great time and want to let your date know, then do so!

If you want to sleep on your feelings and chat with them further the next morning, then so be it!

Woman with a ponytail and piercing blue eyes drinking from a coffee mug

We spend a lot of time overthinking about who should do what and when we should do it.

Being authentic and letting people in our feelings is scary, there is no denying that, but why waste time playing it cool and aloof if that’s not who you are or what you want? 

The worst thing that can happen is not having your feelings reciprocated. And to that I say: there’s plenty of other cute fish in the sea! Best to move onto someone who will reciprocate those feelings.

  1. Plan for another meet up, don't have an endless texting conversation 

If you do end up wanting to see where the relationship goes after the first date and you hit send on that first text, make it count! Tell them what a nice time you had and that you’d love to meet up again. Maybe reference an activity that came up during your date that the two of you would both enjoy! 

A great way to segway into the next date is to bring something to the table that you know they would enjoy. Maybe they made reference to their favourite dessert place or an event coming up soon. Not only does it show your interest in another date but it’s also heartwarming when someone was clearly listening to you and your interests and wants to join you in doing them!

Man in jean shirt in front of a window texting on his phone.

Sometimes less is more, and I definitely think this is the case with texting when you’re getting to know someone. Communicating online or over text can create a false sense of intimacy, so keeping conversations light and short during the initial stages of a relationship is important. It would suck to spend so much time on the phone with someone thinking you’re jiving with them just to meet them in person and have the flame fizzle out. Your phone should be for planning dates, not building an entire relationship.

  1. Don’t play games

If you get home from your date and thirty minutes later they text you to say what a great time they had, don’t make them wait hours for a reply. I’ve played that game. You know, the one where you set a timer and force yourself to wait the allotted time to text them back so you don’t seem desperate? No? Just me? Okay then. It doesn’t go well anyway, trust me. 

Instead of playing it cool and texting them back in the morning, reply (relatively) promptly and let them know how much you enjoyed it too! Maybe use this time to set up the next date. Life’s too short to play around. Trust your gut and your heart, they’ll rarely steer you wrong. 

  1. Let them know if you’re not interested in a second date

Most of us know how badly being ghosted sucks. It’s a bit of a cop out in the world of dating and definitely not appreciated. So if the tables have turned and it’s you that doesn’t see the relationship going anywhere, just tell them

Photo of a woman's back as she bowls, holding a bowling ball.

Yes it sucks and it’s almost as painful as being ghosted yourself, but you’ll be able to sleep better if you know you did the right thing and let someone down gently. It’s much easier to get over something, or someone, if you’re given the closure you need to do so. 

So be kind, let them know you just didn’t feel a connection and wish them the best. Hopefully you’ll both be thankful for the clean break. 

First dates can be fun and scary, amazing and terrifying, exciting and draining. And while there’s much to enjoy after you’ve found “the one”, the journey to get there is just as exhilarating.

Do what you need to do to protect your heart, but don’t let your head get in the way of the experiences dating can offer! 

Overwhelmed by online dating?
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