Texting and Dating - Goodbye Narcissism

Have you ever had a texting convo where you start to feel like Oprah? One where you’re literally interviewing the person you’re texting.

That convo where you know every detail of the person’s life - you could literally visit their grandmother and go through photo-albums together - but you soon realize that they don’t even know so much as your favourite coffee shop.  

Been there. 

As a person who loves learning about others and the intricacies of their magnificent life, I tend to get caught up in the whirlwind of learning about a person’s interests and life story that it take me some time to realize that they haven’t asked me a single question. Like, not one. 

This is especially the case in an age of dating-apps, where online conversations dominate (although not with Wandure, check us out and cut out the tedious texting). 

It almost makes you languish for a time past when phone calls happened on party lines and the only conversations you had were face-to-face.

Hands up if you were born in the wrong era.

My hand is way up - but I digress. 

So how do you ensure that you aren’t “that person” - that self-centered texter who misses out on fostering any sort of viable connection on account of their aloof texting. 

Here are a few tips to show that you’re engaged and totally interested in something other than yourself! 

How to text your match

Your text-buddy could be awesome in person, but over text, they are kind of a… narcissist. And truthfully, they may not even recognize that that is the energy they’re giving off. 

Make sure you’re not “that person”. Engage people in great dialogue, and keep them coming back for more.

And if they’re still that person who can't ask a solid question … you can say adios amigo - they’re not worth your energy. 

Lead with a substantive question 

If you ask someone “how are you?” they will likely answer “good”.

Riveting, I know.

So give people something to work with! Ask a dynamic question that gets the banter going. And if someone does start chatting with this bland opener, be sure to ask how they’re doing in a creative way! 

You can reveal parts of yourself through the questions you ask! 

Pay attention to what the other person says, and where their responses lead you.


Build off what the other person is giving you. Did they ask you about your best childhood memory? Shoot that question back their way, but re-vamp it.

If they ask about your favourite childhood memory - good on them that’s a great question. Respond with your memory, then ensure that you ask a similar question right back, maybe building off an element of your favourite memory. If yours was apple picking, ask them about their ultimate dessert. 

And on and on and on, until you're in a nourishing, stunning conversation that you don't want to end. Sprinkle it with your experiences and get that sharing experience happening.

Ask questions you’re genuinely interested in, and in sharing about yourself 

Want your texting companion to ask you about your favourite Netflix show? We got you.

Ask them about their favourite thing to do in their down time. Netflix or Amazon Prime may come up or it may not, but hopefully they'll return with a broad strokes questions within which you can include reference to whatever you want to chat about, your commentary on The Boys included.

Bottom line. Asking specific questions leads to specific answers but it can also choke the conversation, if you ask broader questions that lead to a plethora of potential answers, the conversation is likely to grow organically. 

Pretend you’re actually having an in-person conversation - try to show your flare through the message exchange 

Pretend there isn't a screen in front of you but rather an actual person. Would you just give them a thumbs up in response? Likely not. Emoji responses in texting is equivalent to a thumbs up in the real world.

Contemplate how you'd answer the question in person. Would you give a one word, solitary response? Would you add in some flare? Would you smile?

Try to convey all of that (tough to do when emojis are you only go-to). You can also try voice-notes to add in some intonation.

And if that fails…

Skip the texting altogether. Text to make plans and that's it, then meet up in person. Because IRL is where the real energy really lives and breathes. 


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